Hopeless in Montana

January 2, 2021

Years of praying and fasting for my wife and I am finally standing in front of my friends and family, locking eyes with my soon to be wife, and sharing our vows. I can spend many paragraphs explaining all the emotions and feelings that lead to that moment, but maybe another time. Yet there we were…Mr. & Mrs. VanDouser!

January 3, 2021

Three months earlier, after I proposed, I began looking for places to go on our honeymoon. Neither of us wanted to go somewhere we have been before and we both wanted snow! So after searching for places I found “the place”. It was located in a small town called Pray, Montana. Located in a valley, secluded from everything, with 360 degree view of Mountains. So I showed Katie and she gave me the ok to book it! Sadly it  was already booked…and so where the next three places we tried to get. So finally I found a small cabin, that wasn’t secluded, was right next to this tiny towns post office, but at least we still have the 360 degree view of the mountains and snow!

So on Sunday morning at 8:30am we took off, in my vehicle, on our 24 hour drive to Pray, Montana!

January 4-6, 2021

We took four days to make the entire trip. 1st leg was 10 hours to Omaha, NE. The 2nd leg was 7 hours to Rapid City, SD. We stayed there an extra day so we could visit Mt. Rushmore and the Badlands National Park. (We are extremely glad we did this! It was incredible!) While at the National Park we even saw our new favorite animals…Bisons! And then the third and final leg of the trip was 7 hours to Pray, MT.

Late on Wednesday night we went into the local town and got a few groceries to last us a couple days. I told Katie that we could just come back later in the week and get some more if needed. After that we finally made it to our cabin! We did it! We drove 24 hours over 4 days to Montana!

January 7, 2021

Katie woke up to the smell of bacon, sausage, and biscuits that morning. Like any good new husband would do, I wanted to impress her with my limited cooking skills on our first day in Montana. I set the table and opened the blinds so as we ate our breakfast we could take in the mountains off in the not so far distance. 

January 8, 2021

As we were preparing to go to sleep the night before, it happened! One of the main reasons we left the south and went north…it started snowing! We went outside with only the porch light illuminating the night and began to play a little in the snow. It honestly wasn’t that much, but we didn’t care. We still picked it up with our bare hands. We pushed pass the coldness our hands felt and threw snow at each other like little kids. We even looked up, closed our eyes, opened our mouths, and stuck our tongues out just to catch a snowflake! 

That was last night, so what adventures awaited us today in the unknown state of Montana!? After having another incredible breakfast by chef Jack, we bundled ourselves up and went for a walk down our street in the snow. We were so proud of ourselves! We walked almost 2 1/2 miles down and back! 

Now it was time to explore the the larger town next to Pray...Livingston. So we got in my vehicle and drove the 25 minutes to town. On our way we got to see the sights we didn’t on the way in because of getting in at night. Pictures could never do what they call Paradise Valley justice. Situated in a valley with the Yellowstone river running right down the middle and snow capped mountains all around…man…God is so good. 

We make it to Livingston and it is so cool. We had seen photos of the old downtown and there were even old Coca-cola paintings on the brick buildings! We took in some but not all the stores and shops that the downtown had to offer. One main goal was to eat some lunch after our long walk earlier that day. So we found a cool pizza place and your boy threw down. 

As we were about to drive back to the cabin Katie said, “Should we stop by the store and get some more groceries?” But knowing we planned on coming back into town the next day to see everything else we missed I said, “No, we can get it tomorrow.” So we headed home. 

*Pause*

I’m married…I’m in Montana on my honeymoon…snow has fallen the previous night…everywhere I turn I’m looking at the most beautiful nature I’ve ever seen! Can this trip get any better! 

*Un-Pause*

January 9, 2021

Today started like any other Montana day. I woke up, did my devotion, and then made breakfast. After eating we decided to get bundled back up and head back into town. As we get in my vehicle and go to start the car, it gives me an alert that my engine is over heating and that I should turn the car off. I thought to myself, this is weird. So I tried it again and still the same outcome. So being one who is optimistic about stuff I called a close friend who works on vehicles and told him my situation. Eventually I realized that my coolant was low, so we were able to get some brought to us and put it in the vehicle. All this time staying positive and reassuring my new wife that everything would be ok. I even used my 2020 theme “It is what it is” and that God’s got us. 

Coolant goes in, and nothing happens…same alert. From my earlier conversation with my friend this wasn’t the result we were hoping for. This means that the issue is bigger than I can handle by myself. So I had to call Ford and have them tow my vehicle to the nearest dealership…45 minutes away from us. And because it was Saturday, none of the mechanics were in so my car wouldn’t even be looked at until Monday. 

“It is what it is” right!? So I continued to stay optimistic and kept reassuring my wife that all would be ok. Yet as the night went on, uncertainty began to set in. I began to allow my mind to wonder “what if?” And as I was looking online for some help I came across a Reddit post discussing the same issue I was having. So excited to see the outcome, my heart drop when I read the words, “I needed to get a whole new engine”

In that moment every ounce of optimism in my body left and it was replaced by panic. Where I was hoping that it would just be a quick fix and I could get it back before we leave has now turned into possibly getting my engine replaced and taking weeks, even months. Here I am in Montana, 24 hours away from home, no vehicle, food that will run out in two days, and now we’re stranded in our cabin. 

What started as uncertainty, became fear, turned to panic, and led me to a place of hopelessness…

“What do I do?” “What can I do?” I have no vehicle to go anywhere…I don’t know anybody in Montana…How are we even going to get food?Hopeless…everything was out of my control…

As I laid on the couch I asked Katie to hand me my Bible because I knew if I didn’t read it I was going to freak out. Before I opened it I laid there with so many thoughts and emotions racing through my mind. Overwhelmed. In this moment all I could see was my situation…In this moment I struggled with trusting in God or freaking out. Part of me wanted to go into the room and cry so my wife couldn’t see me. The other half was telling me to stay calm and that God’s got you. The part wanting me to freak out was looking at the situation and the facts I could see. The part that said Trust was looking at a God I couldn’t see in that moment. But I forced myself to open my Bible and to read where I left off the day before.

 “25 That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—wether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food and your body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to Him than they are? 27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? 28 And why worry about clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. they don’t work or make there clothing, 29 yet Solomon in all of his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? 31 So don’t worry about these things, saying ‘What shall we eat? What shall we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows your needs. 33 Seek first the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. 34 So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it’s own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

I wish I could say that everything changed the moment I read those verses, but I still felt awful. Nothing changed instantly…but deep down I knew those verses were right. 

January 10, 2021

I woke up feeling the same emotions I had the night before, but I decided early that morning that I will put my trust in God no matter how hard it will be. I didn’t want my flesh to win this battle. This fight’s victor was going to be the Spirit. This led me to two practical things I did that I want to share with you…

#1: Every time I thought about the situation, I told myself this…”I am a son of God. He is my Father. He knows my needs and He will give me what is needed.” This wasn’t a magical thing that made everything better. I was still having those emotions, but I chose to trust Him…even when it was difficult.

#2: I made myself do something to take my mind off the situation. On Sunday me and Katie played video games and card games almost the entire day. Then that night we watched something that would make us laugh. I believe this is where we mess up. Instead of moving on and trying to place our minds on something else, we sit back and allow the situation we are facing to consume us. We take this a step further by feeding ourselves things that lead us deeper into those emotions we are battling with. The music we listen to, the shows we watch, the things we consume on social media. We are only hurting ourselves and we must be careful in these moments. It’s not an easy thing to do, but we must push ourselves to do it!

January 11, 2021

Dealership opens at 8:30am and I am the first voice they hear on the phone making sure they have my vehicle. At this point I am unsure what the problem actually is. I’m praying that it is still just a simple fix and that we will get the car back before we have to leave on Wednesday. So after confirming they have my vehicle, it becomes a waiting game and there are other issues to deal with. We have no food. 

After looking at our maps, and Uber and Lyft not being an option, we bundled up and prepared to walk 4 miles one way in 38F weather with 20 mph winds to eat at a restaurant and get some food from the general store across the street from it. As we set out with our backpacks on, we almost turned back within the first 15 mins. The wind was brutal! But we kept on walking knowing that to eat the rest of the week we had to get to that general store. Often the views that we saw took our minds off the hike we were taking. Its hard to be to frustrated and angry when you turn a corner and find yourself right next to a half frozen river. We stopped for a moment to catch our breath and to take in the beauty of this beautiful river. The edges were frozen sheets of ice while the middle raged on as if it was the middle of spring. We crossed the bridge and eventually made it to our first destination, the Old Saloon (est 1902).

When we walked in we realized that we were the only ones in the restaurant side. We were greeted by an older woman, probably in here 70’s, and she took us to our table. Since we walked this far we were hungry and price wasn’t an issue, we were going to eat. So we ordered some bison burgers and extra fries, and when it arrived it didn’t stand a chance. As we were finishing up eating we struck up a conversation with Mrs. Tina, as we found out her name was. We told her we were here on our honeymoon and that we were all the way from Tennessee. To which she told us that her husband of 50 years is from Mississippi. We learned that Mrs. Tina had lived all over the United States through-out her life, but ultimately her and her husband fell in love with Montana, so they stayed. 

After eating, we began to put on our layers of jackets back on while waiting for the check. Then Mrs. Tina came out from the back and with a smile on her face said, “When y’all are ready to leave, go on. Don’t worry about paying, we got it. May your marriage be as long as mine.” Wow…I couldn’t believe it in that moment. She wouldn’t even accept the tip I tried to give as a thank you. It was her gift to us. So after many thank you’s, we went grab our stuff and headed to the general store. 

I wasn’t but three steps outside of the Old Saloon when I look down and saw a penny on the ground. I immediately smiled bent down and picked it up. I knew exactly what this meant…Growing up my mom always said that when she found a penny on the ground it was a reminder to do what is written on it, In God We Trust. To Trust in Him. This wasn’t a random penny, this was God speaking to me and telling me to continue to trust in Him, for your Father has you covered. “What shall we eat?” he covered that meal…

So with new found optimism, my phone rings, it’s the Ford dealership. As Jake begins to speak on the other end of the phone he says the words that I didn’t want to hear, “You are going to need a whole new engine.” What happened is this, the cold weather cracked the head of one of my cylinders and coolant flooded my engine. When this first was an option panic set in, but this time, with penny in hand, I took the news and said “It is what it is. God’s got me.”

So we cross the street and begin to buy more food at the general store to last us at least 4-5 more days. We stepped to the side and began to fill our backpacks full with our food and began the 4 mile walk back to the cabin. What we didn’t think about was the fact that the walk there was mostly downhill, so our walk back was all uphill. Not 30 mins into our hike, a woman pulls over and tells us its to cold to be walking so jump in. On the way back to our cabin we begin talking and sharing why we were walking in the first place. She was shocked to hear our story and preceded to tell us that she is an owner of a cafe that is a 10 min walk from our cabin. On top of that she offered to let us use one of her other cars she doesn’t use to drive to the town 45 minutes away to pick up our car. Wow…once again I couldn’t believe it. 

She dropped us off and went back to her house and me and Katie just looked at each other amazed about the day we just had. In the back of my mind all I could hear was “I got you.” It was a familiar voice, one that I’ve known most my life…it belonged to my heavenly Father. 

January 12, 2021

After our crazy day yesterday, we had a plan to get home and today was the time to get ready. Calls were put in to get a rental car in the town 45 minutes away and a taxi service was found to get us there. 3 days ago I found myself in a hopeless situation with no way to eat and no way to get home. Today I am full of optimism and everything I worried about was taken care of and I could enjoy my final day in Montana with my wife. 

As the day was coming to a close I stepped outside and took a picture of the prettiest sunset I’ve ever seen in my life. Just another reminder that my heavenly Father loves me. 

January 13-14, 2021

At this point we were ready to get home. We were picked up and dropped off at the airport in Bozeman, Montana and went to get our rental car. As he handed me the keys he informed us that we would be driving a Jeep Compass. Once again another sign that God had us because we thought we were getting a small car. Instead we got a mid size suv. With wanting to get home and not wanting to spend more money than needed, we made the 24 hour trip home in two days. The 1st day was 11 hours to Sioux Falls, SD and the 2nd day was 13 hours back to Millington, TN. 

February 17, 2021

As I type this out I watch the snow falling to the ground. In Montana we had that one night of snow. Now back home in Tennessee we are having one of the biggest winter storms this area has ever seen. This week we have had close to 8-10 plus inches of snow and below freezing temps all week long. 

It has been a month since we drove home and today my vehicle is still in Bozeman, Montana. The last update we had was last week with them telling us they are still waiting for the engine to come in. So in the meantime I am waiting for the call to go back and get my vehicle. Not only am I looking forward to get my vehicle back, but I am also looking forward to another trip to Montana!

Thoughts

• As I look back at this story I have to laugh a little. Now that I am on this side of things I realize that what I freaked out at was really not that big of a deal. I was concerned about the vehicle, but I freaked out about how to get home. The solution was so simple and took about 30 mins to figure out. But in the moment when it all hit at once, my mind wasn’t on the solution…it was on the problem at hand. Yet even as simple as the problem may of been, because it mattered to me…it matter to God. It didn’t matter how small of an issue it was, it was an issue to His son. And He wasn’t going to push it to the side. 

• I’m not a perfect person, and this story isn’t to celebrate me. It’s a story of God’s faithfulness! That Jesus declares Matthew 6:25-34 and in my time of need I stood on His word and He was faithful! The Bible is true when it declares in Isaiah 55:11, “It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.”