Growing Older is Bittersweet

As you get older there are the things people tell you will happen. At 30 your knees will stop working. The older you get the longer you need to stretch before physical activity. Your body doesn’t bounce back like it use to. Just three of the things I have heard my entire life and I am finally starting to understand. I am not as young as I use to be. I look in the mirror and I still see my 20 year old self. When I think about how old I am I usually lean towards my younger twenties. Not because I am trying to hold on to something, I just genuinely feel that way still. The truth is I am 30 and I am not going to get any younger… So I, like everyone before me, get to find out what it is like to get older. 

Out of all the advice that you hear about getting older, no one tells you about the hardest part. It is not the physical, mental, or even emotional aspect of age. The hardest part for me has been watching as my parents and other adults I have grown up watching grow older. I know some of the people I am talking about will read this and make a joke that I am calling them old. The truth is yes I am. There is no disrespect in this, I am just stating the fact that those I saw growing up in their 40s are now in their 60s. Parents with teenagers helping their kids make it through school and graduating are now grandparents. Their roles have changed. Where their house was once full of the sounds of their kids fighting or laughing has grown a lot quieter. New sounds now fill their homes of their grandkids walking and running around, playing and making memories in the same home their parents made their own memories in. Time does not stop, and we continue to grow.

Over these last two years I have begun to become aware of this point. Wether I was blinded by the truth or was just ignorant to what was happening around me, I did not know. I have nothing but respect for these men and women. Many of which are like other Moms and Dads to me. My knowledge of them has always been that they are strong. Physically and mentally. They are smart! Every problem I would find myself dealing with I could go to them and they always had wise answers. To this day I can close my eyes and the picture of them etched on my mind is the one of them when I was a young man. I can picture their smiles and hear their laughs. I can remember the nights of going over to their homes and playing card games or sitting around the dinner table laughing. The countless times they were the guests of honor at my kitchen table. Not to mention all of the vacations our families took together. You never really know someone until they are trying to throw you off of an inner tube haha! All of these memories I will hold on to tightly and cherish my entire life. I am so thankful for all of those who have called my parents friends and have been there for them through their good and worst moments. I hope to have those types of friendships for me and Katie. 

Even harder than watching family fiends grow older, it has been hard to watch as my parents grow older. Honestly it is a bittersweet experience. Bitter because they are not who they were when you were a kid. Their hair has slowly lost its color. Their step is slower than it use to be. Growing up you see your parents as superhero’s, but with age comes the glimpses of the crack of their armor you thought impenetrable. For two people I have always seen as so strong, it’s hard to see that they are more human than I once thought. The thing is this, they are still strong, they are still smart, they are still incredible, and they still give me a sense of peace when they are around. I am 30, but I still feel safe, like nothing can or will happen to me because they are there. I love my parents and thank God daily that I truly have 2 of the best to ever do it. That is not an opinion…that is a fact. More than showing me how to be a good man, how to be a good spouse, how to have character, how to love others, they have thought me what it means to love the Lord! More than words from a pulpit my father walked it out at home as well. I never had to question God because my father preached one thing but lived something different away from the church. Almost every morning when I woke up I could look over the balcony into the kitchen and see my mom reading her Bible and spending time with the Lord. Not every once in a while…daily. Before I knew what self discipline was I saw my mother walk it out. From both of my parents I learned the #1 priority in life is God.

So as I watch them get older it is hard. As I said earlier, it is bittersweet. Bitter because time does not stop and we continue to grow. But it is also sweet as well. There is nothing like watching your parents love on your child. I love watching Rose walk into their house. While we are still in the car she starts calling their names. When she gets out of the car she goes running to the door in excitement to see her Poppa and Needin. That door opens and she goes crazy. She greets them with an excited scream followed by a big hug. Often times she just laughs being around them. If that was not enough, they begin to interact and play with her. I listen as my mom sings her songs she sang to me and my brothers growing up. I watch as she sits right next to my dad in the seat that was always mine growing up. They may not be as young as they once were, but their love has not changed. My heart is so full as I get a glimpse of what it was like when my parents played with me when I was younger. It is an aspect of having a kid I never thought about and it gets me every time. More than a kid, as my parents have gotten older our relationship has now changed. Dad always made it clear growing up that he is not our friend, he is our father. There is a big and needed difference between the two. Yet as time has gone on that has changed. He will always be my father and she will always be my mother, but as I grow older I am gaining to incredible friends as well. Our conversations are different, the issues I am walking through and experiencing are different, but the love and wisdom is still the same. I always wondered why people talked about calling their parents everyday, I never quite understood it. One glance at my call log will show you that I am beginning to understand. 

The idea for this stirred in me as I watched my parents receive an award tonight for Coach of the Year for a ministry called M.V.P. It is a ministry that is about Honoring, Encouraging, & Connecting pastors. If you know my parents you know they love pastors. I could not begin to count the amount of times pastors came to the house to stay the night as they passed by or just to simply eat a meal with us. I know it happened a lot because my room was the “guest” room when they came over haha! Who knows how many times my parents sat with other pastors just to talk to them and walk them through difficult moments. As we went on missions trip my dad’s focus was always on the pastor of the church and how he could bless them. Vacations to visit missionary friends usually involved traveling city to city to meet local pastors and hear their stories. How many young ministers got their start in ministry because Tim and Stephanie VanDouser helped launched them and gave them a chance? I did not know they were receiving this award, but I could not think of two people more deserving than them. 

Another one of those “sweet” moments is seeing them being recognized for a life full of faithfulness. I got a front row seat to their lives. My brothers got to see more than me, but I know they would back every word I have said so far and probably have more to say. Are my parents perfect? Of course not. No one is. I do not live in a fantasy world where they can do no wrong. Yet in the real world it is a lot easier for me to tell you the good things about my parents than the bad things. That alone should speak volumes of the type of people they are. Some people do not make it as far as they have. They are stilled married 37 years later. They are still in ministry after 30+ years. They still have a great relationship with all three of their sons. Where they are today is not by accident. They worked hard to keep a good marriage, to stay in ministry, to have a relationship with all three of us. They were intentional with all of these things and made it a point to spend time making sure these things stayed healthy. In a culture that does not encourage such a life today and calls such things as from a “bygone era”, it is this faithfulness and consistency that I believe should be celebrated. 

Mom & Dad I know you are reading this and I apologize for the many tears this probably caused. If it makes you feel any better most of this was typed out through blurred vision as I cried my own tears. This was never meant to be a “your at the end, get ready” type of post. I just found myself in a moment of reflection on how good God has been to me and how good both of you have been to me as well. You also never know when the last time you ever get to say something to someone. I never want someone to guess what I think about them or how I feel about them. If I have the opportunity I want to share it. The older I get the more I cry about simple things in life. I truly believe it is because the Lord is softening a heart that never knew how hard it was. So from the bottom of my heart I love both of you! I would not trade parents or the life and memories I had growing up for anything. And the beauty of all of this is that memories are still being made with both of you as well. 

Time does not stop, and we continue to grow…

But even in the bitter moments, there are still the sweet things as well. Learn to find and enjoy the sweet moments!